Invention Spotlight : Dr. Umbrella’s Poop Alarm

In the annals of history there is just as much lost and forgotten as in the anals of ….look, you get it. Today’s blog focuses on a sensitive subject so expect humor to soften the stool. And puns. Lots of poop puns.

You there sir! Or madam! Yes, you! Have you the normal human digestion system? Don’t run away that’s a perfectly normal question which also happens to be entirely rhetorical! Of course you have a perfectly normal human digestion tract including, unless warfare injury or unfair accident has claimed it, a perfectly normal posterior. Not just for sitting it’s also for sh—

Okay let’s drop the barker schtick. The idea of toilet training humans has been around since even before the invention of the toilet. Every human past, present and (probably) future will have to start out life as a beast when it comes to the bowels and through trial and error will eventually learn to dispose of that brown burden in whatever socially acceptable way is more prominent in their community. The issue (and inventive opportunity) is that both at the beginning of our lives and at the end we do not practice these hard won policies of pooping properly due to no fault of our own. We all can look forward to a certain amount of pants shitting if we live long enough to have our underparts revolt against us and especially difficult is knowing when the dirty deed has been done.

Enter this amazing and inventive product : Dr. Umbrella’s Poop Alarm. Gone are the days of diaper dalliance and uncomfortable shit sitting. Whether the buyer is a parent or a health care assistant the product claims it can sound an alarm when the baby or elderly person makes a boo boo. Now, is that even possible? What cutting edge technology could be applied to screech a siren when someone pops off a #2? The answer is far simpler than we here at P.I.P. could have guessed – and guess we did at what terrific tech could provide this maternal miracle.

Now before we get into the details watch this …not so helpful…video:

Get any clues from that? If you were paying attention you’d notice one possibility : the detector is a moisture gauge, maybe? The umbrella theme and the water droplets suddenly make sense, right?

The magic behind Dr. Umbrella’s Poop Alarm is not just that is was created by a team of SAMSUNG engineers. The device measures humidity and works best if it is deeply situated in a dookie diaper. Now our first question was “Okay, what if we’re talking some dry loaf action? ” and that may seem a little crass but there’s actually an even grosser answer. Most stools and bowel movements from infants and elderly are more likely to have added moisture because of their normally soft diet. Your typical baby and old person is not going to be eating hard grains and beef jerky all day but most likely pureed beets and mash potatoes. The idea of humidity detector is actually genius since urine will increase the humidity and all those loose poops will too.

You’ve probably reached your shit talk limit by now but don’t go before realizing one crucial point about today’s featured invention: this shit makes money. The reason it makes money is because it directly focuses on a specific need that only those secondarily affected (parents and folks caring for old people).

Before you shit on the next great idea remember Dr. Umbrella’s Poop Alarm.

 

 

Invention Spotlight : Octo-Dog Hot Dog Slicer

***Before we begin today’s P.I.P Invention Spotlight we have to extend a very special thanks to a friend who actually owned one. We believe strongly in quid pro quo so if you’re in need of customer service oriented home insurance experience in the the Tennessee area contact our comrade Douglas by clicking here. ***

Hot dogs. Where do they come from? What are they made out of? The obvious answers are “you don’t want to know” and “mostly raccoon feet and newspaper.” Still, that didn’t stop intrepid entrepreneurs from creating a litany of products that augment, accentuate and generally mangle the beloved hotted dog.  Today we’d like to take a closer look at a particular example of this kind of sausage savagery : the OctoDog Hot Dog Slicer.

The OctoDog Hot Dog slicer is a strange, perhaps cool in some circles, recently invented culinary gizmo that takes boring, ordinary hot dogs and transforms them amazingly into happy little octopuses. Actually, we can’t tell if these octopi are experiencing feelings of contentment but we’re guessing here.

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Free Lunch?

What do you think of when you hear the phrase “FREE LUNCH” ?

Most people would have a degree of disbelief in the claim but why? Are we so jaded that the idea of complimentary sustenance cannot be accepted into our cultural reality? Or maybe we’re realists and know that unless it’s bad advice nothing in this world lacks some sort of price tag?

The age old adage “There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch”  has many variants but the underlying idea remains the same : it is literally impossible to receive goods, services or even abstract products for nothing. The true origin of the phrase is unknown but you can surely trace it’s rising use in early American bars offering salty foods to any patron who purchased a single drink. Simple alchemy here folks : the drinks will likely be expensive and the salt in the food makes you thirsty.

The phrase is also a general statement on any functional society, isn’t it? Work and know the benefits. Expect something for free? You’ll get nothing here, chum.

Let’s leave the conceptual and historic ( you can easily pour yourself a libation and read up on those angles at length elsewhere ) to the experts and dive into a more interesting angle : is the sun a “FREE LUNCH” ?

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P.I.P. Editorial – The Better Mousetrap Fallacy

“Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. ” 

The quote that has stirred countless innovative inventors and inventive innovators could very well be the most used phrase to instill a sense of creativity in the business minded individual. Let’s get real here though – does it actually make any sense? If it ever did, does it still apply today?

Originally attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson in the late nineteenth century, many people don’t know that the quote is almost always quipped, posted, shared and otherwise expressed inaccurately. The entire and total quote is actually:

” If a man has good corn or wood, or boards, or pigs, to sell, or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles or church organs, than anybody else, you will find a broad hard-beaten road to his house, though it be in the woods. ”

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